Again, a true story: it's about something that happened with Dead Father, but if the positions had been shifted, Dead Brother would have served just as well.
Shortly after my father died, my mother's brother, his wife, their daughter and son-in-law and two grandchildren came to visit us. At the time, my little cousin Jennifer was only 6. I was 21, just graduated from college, and had just moved home.
Jennifer latched onto me like she'd never seen another chick before, but it quickly became crystal clear the true attraction: MY STUFF. You see, I'd acquired a lot of stuffed animals and teddy bear type substances from guys in college, which I had displayed all over my room. Jennifer could not get enough of them.
"Which one is your favorite?" she'd ask.
"Well, I suppose that one," I'd say, pointing to a bear in a tuxedo that an old boyfriend gave me.
"Well, you know, if you gave me *that* one," she said, pointing to a bear on my dresser, "you could put that one up there and look at it all the time."
I told her I could see it just fine where it was, but this did nothing to dissuade her from attempting to cajole me from my belongings.
Finally, I'd had enough, and could only think of one thing to get her off the topic of acquiring my few assets.
"You know....my dad is in a box in the hall closet."
Her eyes got *huge.* "REALLY?!"
"Oh yeah," I said. I led her through the living room, where everyone else was chatting amiably, opened the closet door, pointed, made the international sign for "Shhhh," and closed the door.
The following week, as I got home from work, my mother told me she'd got a call from Jennifer's mother. "Apparently, she got a call from Jennifer's teacher."
"Oh really?"
"Yes," my mother replied. "It seems Jennifer was telling everyone that Aunt Jean had Uncle Bob in a box in her closet."
Conclusion: While it may have caused my cousin some parental difficulty, and Jennifer some adjustment problems, my Dead Father did in fact distract my six year old cousin.
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