Use 6 (NOT ENDORSED BY LIVE SISTER): Make Jewelry Out of the Dead!

I do not claim to be an arbiter of good taste -- "Hudson Hawk" is one of my all-time favorite movies, and you can bite me, thank you very much -- but even I have to balk at this idea. Nevertheless, in fairness, it is a "use," although not one I'd ever seriously consider:

"Cremation jewelry is, simply put, jewelry that contains some of the cremated ashes of a deceased family member or loved ones. Cremation jewelry has many names and comes in a variety of forms, but no matter the words used, cremation jewelry is among the newest and most popular ways to memorialize loved ones."

from http://www.cremationjewelry.net/.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "But, practically speaking, what kind of jewelry can I make out of Aunt Esther? I mean, there's only so much you can do with what are, for all intents and purposes, charcoal grill ashes." Well, Bernadette, that's where you'd be wrong! When it comes to making a personal, loving statement about your respect for your lost loved one, as well as creating a very awkward conversation-killer, you got lots of options!

You can wear Grandpa Gene around your neck in a little vial! (A warning to those with coke-head friends: Keep Grandpa Gene AWAY FROM THEM AT PARTIES!!!! Have you seen the end of "Cruel Intentions"? Those people are easily confused and your lovin Grandad could wind up in some skank's nasal cavity). (Image also from http://www.cremationjewelry.net/).

A gold-plated death-flask not enough for you? Well, as Oscar Goldman was wont to say, we can rebuild him, we have the technology. Turn Uncle Earl into a diamond!

And for the Wal-Mart shopper in all of us, the gems come in blue, yellow, red, green or the always tasteful "colorless" (usually, and in this case appropriately, followed by "tasteless").

(Image from https://www.irrproducts.com/c-5-colorless.aspx).

Just picture the romance:

"Darlene, ever since we met in welding class our second sophomore year in vocational high school, I knew that, except for your friend Trisha, who I would wreck in a heartbeat if her uncle were ever arrested, you were the one woman on earth that I could love, honor and watch Nascar with. I want to spend the rest of my government-supported-due-to-my-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-disability days with you in my singlewide overlooking the Krystal. Will you marry me?"

"Oh Bobby Joe! Once my divorce is final, yes! Of course yes! Oh my god that ring is goregous! I'll be Pam Anderson had one like this once!"

"And that ain't all....that little shiny you got on there....That there's my MOM."

Tears, hugs, Miller Light all around. Ah, memories.

This last is, quite simply, horrifying on many levels. As the mother of a one-year-old, imagining just whose ashes we're wearing here makes me ill. As the daughter of a totally psycho Dead Mother, I'm just appalled by the idea of my mom being with me FOREVER.

Although admittedly, I do have the Paul Simon song stuck in my head now....darn it.

(Image from https://www.irrproducts.com/c-15-mother-child.aspx).

Just a reminder: none of these companies nor the very *idea* is endorsed by Live Sister or anyone associated with this blog. And I'm sure they will thank me...right after I get the letter telling me to "cease and desist."

UPDATE: A Facebook friend pointed out yet another fascinating yet nasty use for your Dead Loved One: Make Art out of Uncle Art!

http://www.memorials.com/art-in-ashes.php

You can have your Dead Loved One's ashes mushed into a pre-made painting, or "create your own" starting at the bargain price of $757.95!

Seriously, if this is your bag, you can go to any make-and-bake clay place, dump Mom in the mix when no one is looking, and make a stunning ash tray (because, really, what else would you make) for $25. And she'd approve of the savings.